"That's cool that you had a natural birth. I could never do that... I'm too much of a baby when it comes to pain"
I hear this all. the. time.
Let me just say to preface that I don't believe women should feel inferior for choosing a medicated birth. They are not weak, and I am not somehow stronger or more superior because I chose to bring my children into the world without medication.
But this is an example of one of two extreme mainstream beliefs on pain in childbirth that I'd like to address, both on opposite ends of the spectrum. Exploring what pain really is and what it looks like is a crucial aspect of preparing for a positive birth.
​​SMXLL
EXTREME BELIEF #1: Birth is excruciating and by far the most painful thing you could ever experience in life.
Most of the post will address this one because I feel it's the most widely held belief.
How many times have you heard this?
"Oh man, passing a kidney stone is worse than having a baby!"
Or this?
"I've heard breaking your femur is more painful than giving birth!"
Woooahh there... hold on a minute.
The first step to understanding pain in childbirth is to remove it from this comparison context--because it's not even remotely the same type of pain.
Childbirth is a natural physiological process--a normal event that happens every day around the world--most often with a happy reward at the end. This makes childbirth pain progressive, and many embrace it for that reason. On the other hand, breaking a femur and passing a kidney stone are NOT normal experiences, and the only reward you get for enduring those is...well maybe breakfast in a hospital bed and some "get well soon" cards.
As I've come to learn more about the physiology of pain, I've found that the difference between women who can "tolerate" pain in childbirth and those who can't has very little to do with a nature-instilled "pain tolerance."
I laugh when people say I have a high pain tolerance. I would probably cry if you poked me too hard, because that's what my mind is programed to do. Yet I can honestly say that even though my son's birth was un-medicated, it was totally doable with very little pain (that doesn't mean it wasn't intense and full of emotion and pressure!) while my first birth was more painful, yet I was still able to cope.
Did women somehow have a higher pain tolerance 100+ years ago before epidurals around?
Think of all the hundreds of millions of women that have and still do birth without medication. In many other cultures, birth is a sacred rite of passage where women deliver with community support, without medication, and without all the fear and fuss. It's not that you couldn't birth without medication. I promise you that you could; baby would still come out. Choosing and coping positively with a natural birth is just a matter of reversing the mindset that our culture has programmed into you.
Let me teach you something about what's called the "Gate Control Theory of Pain." This theory explains that your emotions and feelings directly impact the amount of pain you experience in any given situation. To put it simply, you have a neurological "gate" in your spinal cord that either opens or closes. When it's open, pain signals are sent to your brain. When you experience FEAR, the gate is wide open, allowing your pain levels to drastically increase. When you are calm and experience positive sensations during the discomfort such as massage and gentle touch, the gate closes, decreasing your perception of pain. That's why you're inclined to rub your toe after stubbing it... it closes the gate and makes it feel better.
Here's an example of a gate wide open. When I was a little girl, nothing scared me more than a needle. Getting my shots were absolutely the worst thing that could happen to me. I would scream for probably 20 minutes before and after getting them because they just HURT SO MUCH!
But did they really HURT SO MUCH, or was it just my perception and anticipation of pain? If they were that bad, why can I now get the same shot and barely wince at the needle? And why is this adorable little boy in this video LAUGHING while he's getting his shots? Could it REALLY be that the pain we experience has far more to do with our mindset and the way we approach perceived pain than the supposed cause of the pain itself, or even our tolerance level?
You've got to watch this:
Isn't that the most amazing pediatrician?
What if we could approach birth like this? What is keeping us from approaching birth like this?
Well, for one thing, it's all of the negative horror stories and Hollywood's portrayal of birth that seem to find their way to any pregnant mom. When our minds are filled with negative thoughts and images of birth from childhood, it's no wonder birth is "excruciating" for so many. These images create fear on a deep, subconscious level, which directly responds to an increase in pain.
EXTREME BELIEF #2: Because birth is a natural physiological process, un-medicated childbirth should be a painless, easy and blissful experience for every woman.
Maybe it sounds ridiculous if you've never heard of the concept, but many women preparing for a natural birth are taught methods of coping in which the desired outcome is a "painless birth." The result is that many women who do experience pain after incorporating these techniques feel like failures, when in reality I feel that the expectation of an entirely painless birth for every birthing mother is unrealistic, though it has been attained by many.
So what is realistic to expect?
Every woman's body is different--and beyond that, every birth is different. I cannot gauge the "pain level" you will experience any more than I can dictate how long you will be in labor. However, I do believe (and there is evidence to prove) that overcoming fears of birth will significantly reduce the pain you experience, allowing for a much more peaceful, beautiful, and manageable birth.
For many of you, an epidural still sounds much better than a birth without one (and for some it is!) Why anyone would even consider un-medicated birth when the have the option for total relief? And some of you may be wondering about the how... how do you change your mindset and prepare for a positive natural birth? Stay tuned for part 2, I'll be addressing all of that. :)
I hope this has given you a glimpse of understanding and a dose of something to think about. By all means, if you're planning on a natural birth and find yourself exhausted and in need of relief, get an epidural and don't feel guilty about it. You're not a failure.
If you're not feeling up to working on your mindset, and un-medicated just isn't your thing, then educate yourself, get an epidural, and don't feel guilty about it.
Just know that, no matter your birthing decisions and outcomes may be:
"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
-Christopher Robin
What are your thoughts? How have your births felt to you in the past, and how are you anticipating them in the future?
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