I was there once too--you find out you're pregnant and emotions flood your entire body--first unbelief, maybe extreme excitement or shock, maybe panic if it was unplanned... maybe you laugh or cry or jump up and down (or all three, if you're like me--I look like a giddy 7th grader who just found out that the boy she likes has a major crush on her).
After the rush settles down, what's the first thing we do? Mabye you tell close family and friends, and get something like this:
"Oooooh!! We're so excited for you, congrats! It's definitely a boy, you know. The Larson family always have boys first. He's going to look so much like his grandpa!"
And then...the rush begins.
The rush of advice.
"Make sure you NEVER eat soft cheese."
"Are you getting in your prenatal vitamins?"
"Don't lift anything heavy--here let me take that for you!"
"How are you going to decorate the nursery? You know you should NEVER co-sleep, that's linked to SIDS."
"No eggnog or cookie dough for YOU! And whatever you do--don't take out the cat litter!"
And what do most of us do? We soak it all in.
And if there's anything you should NOT be as a parent, it's a soak-it-in, be-a-sponge kind of mom. While advice can be helpful and is usually well-inteneded, it's so important that you do NOT abandon your common sense and decision making abilities, even when you're talking with your care providers. People aren't perfect, so it's crucial to weigh what you are hearing against the backdrop of REAL evidence, and add that to what you personally feel is best for your family.
So. Here's some UN-advice for you...and by UN-advice I mean some advice that undoes everything you've been spoonfed. Follow these rules and I promise your pregnancy and birth will be MUCH more enjoyable:
1. Stop Googling everything.
Google has the potential to be your worse enemy during pregnancy, birth, and motherhood.
Why?
You know by now that Google is loaded with information. Unfortunately, even sites that look like a reputable source to find sound information on your pregnancy and birth are often biased and twisted to support the pharmaceutical industry (welcome to our broken healthcare system).
On top of that, it just gets plain overwhelming. While it's important to be educated, there is such a thing as TMI, and reading too much can cause unecessary stress and yes, I've even seen total panic, about birth.
That doesn't mean don't use the internet. Find a trustworthy resource that has evidence-based information on the subject of interest, or go straight to the studies themselves. Note: Just because it's coming from a doctor doesn't mean it's trustworthy. There is so much conflicting information out there, and studies are so easily skewed to make even the brightest people confused about the results. We make sure all the data we give you from The Mommy Method is evidence-based and reliable to make your life a little easier. Feel free to ask us about the validity of any information you find online.
2. Say no, gotta go!
Stop listening to the plethora of horror stories that your in-laws, big sisters, and best friends are just DYING to tell you. Seriously. Your subconcious mind is a sponge...and all of those stories go directly to your storehouse, creating belief systems. If you think birth is terrifying, ugly, and scary, it's because you've been feeding horror stories to your subconcious (Hollywood plays a major part in that one). Don't let that happen to you! If someone starts to tell you one of those...just say no, gotta go... or change the subject! And for goodness sake, do NOT watch any sort of birth movie or portrayal of birth as a scary and traumatic event. I've seen SO many births, and I promise it doesn't have to be if you're prepared. It's all about your mind.
On the other hand, one of the BEST things you can do for your birth is to reprogram your mind to think positively about birth by listening to/reading/watching happy stories instead. By creating those expectations in your mind, you are far more likely to achieve them, and if not achieve them, then remain calm during unexpected events. I really recommend our free deep relaxation track to help prepare your mind for a positive birth. It's a great place to start.
3. DO NOT read What to Expect When You're Expecting
You've at least seen the cover of it, since it is the #1 bestselling Pregnancy and Childbirth book on Amazon and has been lingering around since you were in your mom's uterus.
Let me repeat: Do. Not. Read it.
Naturally, like other first-time mamas, I bought the book as a first time mom for $.25 and plowed through the first few chapters. When I got to the middle of the book, I thought--what on earth IS this?
Well, I'll tell you: it's essentially a compilation of all of the things that could maybe even possibly go wrong--scarily wrong--with your pregnancy and birth, and basically telling your subconcious mind to EXPECT bad things to happen. could very well set you up for a miserable pregnancy and birth--impairing your ability to enjoy the beautiful and sacred aspects of pregnancy.
On top of that, much of the information in that book is not backed by solid evidence. Yet doctors recommend it.
That being said, there are things that are important for you to know and to fill your minds with...they just aren't in that book, or on any old website.
You can't walk into birth blindly. (Well you CAN, you just shouldn't.) You're smarter than that, which is why you're reading this.
So what IS important to know? That's another article for another day, but for now just know that everything you find on The Mommy Method is something that we think will be of value to you.
Take care of yourself. Rest, eat well, and excercise. Love on that baby, long before you meet face-to-face. They can still feel your love.
That's my un-advice.